I'm so fucking centered right now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
