I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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