It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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