Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
