the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
