I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
