If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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