She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
