420 ftw
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
