The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
