Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
