Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
