I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
