You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
