Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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