deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
