If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
