He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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