In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
