Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
