i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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