she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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