his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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