I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
