Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
