youre lurking in front of me
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
