if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
