The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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