since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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