I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
