i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want her autograph on my taint
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
