Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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