Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This is my gift to your gina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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