Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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