Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
