Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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