Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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