Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
