I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
