Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I am morally bankrupt
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
