is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The maid of honor just puked.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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