Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she looked like the before picture.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
