Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
