I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
be right there i have to get my cape
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
