pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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