so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
