He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
