Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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