nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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