honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
