For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
