Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
