I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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