Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
